Dear friends and family,
This is Thanksgiving week 2015. The Bible says we should praise the Lord in all circumstances; in joy or sadness, we should thank the Lord. As most of you know, I (Bintou) have been dealing with infertility. Some of you remember our update about how we are praying for a child and how after a surgical procedure, it was found out that my tubes were opened.
This year the Lord gave us the grace to become pregnant. We were so happy! And so joy full! At last, our child. But unexpectedly, we went through a miscarriage. It has been a journey for us to accept it and to thank the Lord. We want to share it with you to encourage you and tell you that, no matter what happens to you, no matter how deep the pain and the hurt can be, God is there and He cares.
In the pain and the hurt of losing our baby, we felt the presence of God like never before. I (Bintou) went through some time of deep pain, I just wanted to be alone and I was wrestling with God. I couldn’t stay with people for a long time. The only I wanted was to be with God and talk to Him, ask Him questions: why did you let this happen to us? What have I done to you?
I finally found comfort in God’s Word and something came out of the loss of our baby. I read the story of Job in the Bible and was reminded that he didn’t know what was happening. But the reality is that, his trials happened to him because he was a man that feared and loved the Lord. God was so proud of him. So much that the enemy couldn’t bear it. Reading Job’s story brought so much comfort to me.
Tonight as I am writing this Thanksgiving letter, I still don’t have the answer. I still cry when I hear a baby giggle or when I think about the pregnancy I lost. But I have realized that when you go through deep pain and hurt, God is the best caregiver and comfort. And now I know that the miscarriage didn’t happen because I am a bad person. It didn’t happen because I failed God one way or the other. It may have happened just because God delights in me.
Another good thing that came out of it is that my husband (Rob) and I have never been close as we are now. It was not easy the first days. I felt a lot of blame towards myself and towards others. Both of us were both deeply hurt and didn’t know how to handle it. We thank God for His sovereign grace in our lives. As we talked and prayed about it, we realized the enemy was trying to use our loss and pain to divide us as a couple. Praise God, it didn’t happen.
Remember, no matter what happens to you, no matter how deeply hurt you are, if God can create the world in 6 days, then He can also help you handle any type of adverse situation you may have just fallen into, no matter how bad and hopeless things may appear to you in the natural (1).
Happy thanksgiving to you all! May God abundant grace fill you from the sunrise to the sunset!
(1): quote from Bible-knowledge.com website