Here I am sitting on my desk at 9 AM in my house. I am supposed to be at the hospital but I can’t. I even tried to go and work but I had to go back home. I used to pray for all sort of things but I never mentioned this aspect of my life to God.
I never talked to God about my voice.
I NEVER knew that to be able to speak or sing was a grace. To the best I can recall, I never had a problem with my voice. It has always answered present each time I need it.
Not this time.
I woke up last Saturday feeling a little particle of sand in my throat. It was strange but nothing else beside that. Then on Sunday, BOUM ! I couldn’t even make a sound!
The horrible part was the following Wednesday. I had a scientific talk to give at the hospital scientific meeting. I worked on it with my boss and an ophthalmologist visitor from the USA. It was supposed to be a great talk. After two days of rest, I could speak some and people could hear me. It is true that my boss wondered. But I reassured her, I could make it.
And here I am standing in front of people. I had to speak louder than normal for people in the back. I started. And surprise! My voice is shivering! I thought: “Oh No! C’mon my voice! Don’t do that. Yesterday we managed to get along! Let’s give this talk”. And I pushed. But my voice stalled. It didn’t want to go a further mile. Like a stubborn donkey, it stopped definitely.
I panicked. This was getting serious. There is nothing presently that I can do without my voice. Consultation, surgeries, aviation, Ministry or at home, I need my voice! I was frustrated. I told God that I needed Him to give me my voice back right now. After some silent time, I heard Him say: it is the first time you talk to me about “YOUR” voice.
I got the message. I asked God to forgive me. I have always acted as if it was by my power that I have a voice. I told Him I desperately needed my voice but from now on, I will use it only the way He wants.
As I am writing now, my voice isn’t back yet. But I started to make some sounds. I am on the right track.
What do you use your voice for? Do you know your voice belongs to God? Do you know He is the master of your voice? Whether you are Mahalia Jackson or the horrible singer that makes crock ages flee when you sing under your shower, your voice belongs to God. Have you ever thanked Him for your voice? I have learned that God’s purpose for my voice is not grumbling, or shouting in anger, or even being sarcastic. I know God will speak to you if you speak to Him. And while you acknowledge that “your” voice is “His”, ask Him to show you how He wants you to use that voice. I know He will, and you will blossom.
May God bless you!